Preface: This is a recapturing of a strange incident that does not leave my mind. Its comic undertones and logical flexibility make this an easy addition to a relationship website for Muslims. My narration of this event should not be viewed as an attack on al-Islam. This religion is firm, stubborn, irresolute. It cannot be challenged. What cannot be challenged must remain perfect. What cannot be challenged, can't break.
Setting:
A Masjid after Jummah Prayer, 2002.
Cast:
- Al Hajj Maqdoom (Maq) Hispanic Convert Muslim, Recently returned from Hajj, second husband to Hajira.
- Umm Saila (Sai), Maqdoom's second, first Muslim, wife. Pakistani-American.
- Shaykh Shamsuddin (Sham), Local Imam. Unidentified ethnicity and accent.
- Unidentified Interrupter (Interp).
Act One
[Maqdoom and Saira await at the entrance to the masjid. The Shaykh waves them in and encourages them to sit. The post-Jummah crowd is clearing. They can be seen eating falafels in the background]
Sham: (Quickly) Sit, Sit! Tafaddul – uh, akhi, not so close! Behind the line. Shukran.
[Maq and Sai suffle and sit. They both place their hands on their knees. They do not speak until spoken to.]
Al Hajj Maqdoom! Inshallah, I am told there is a dispute. As Salam Alaykum!
Maq: Wa Alaikum As Salam Ya Shaykhuna!
Sham: This here is your wife?
Maq: Yes. This is my wife.
Sham: Well, the issue. What is that here?
Maq: This is my wife ya Shaykhuna.
Sham: You said that. Yes, already.
Maq: Well, yes I did.
Sham: The issue, brother!
Maq: Well, she believes she's not my wife…
Sai: That's even not true…!
Sham: Are you his wife?
Sai: Yes!
Maq: Yes!
Sai: er…no.
Maq: Yes!
Sham: No more! Come on akh, speak swiftly. I do not have all afternoon. The fast is not moving fastly today. Islam is not a game. I refuse to let you treat this religion of mine as a game. Let me say it again ya akhi! If you treat Islam like game, I will throw you out, without meeting! You understand? Now speak! And do not treat the religion like a game!
Maq: We…my wife and me…were properly married by an Imam in Saratoga, you see.
Sai: It is both awer second marriages.
Maq: Before I had been with an infidel. No more. Divorced her. Said ma'salam to her. She was hispanic, too. She did not understand ma'salam. I added asta lavista baby also.
Sai: Astaghfirullah!
Sham: Infidel? My brother, really…
Sai: Shaykh ji, his wife…she was not even a Christian! I'd sleep better if at least she had been a people of the book. That one she was animal worshipper, sun kisser or something. Seriously! At least I was married to a Muslim before.
Sham: Yes, good. You sister are Pakistani, no?
Sai: Yes, Yes. Punjabi, pukki. Family not too happy about hispanic man. But Islam comes over all that. Covers it. This is my second marriage. First one ended in divorce. Was a love marriage that one. Didn't work out. Two girls were born. One is thank Allah married. Only stayed for my children to that…
Sham: And you say a divorce occurred? So what's the issue now?
Maq: You see Imam. We ran into her ex-husband. Unfortunately accident.
Sai: Very complete incident! NO INTENTION ON MY PART! My children they don't believe me. They think I was trying to show off my husband. They are very rong regarding that. He was an abusive man – "
Sham: So then what happened, brother.
Maq: To cut story short. He demanded his wife back.
Sham: Which wife?
Maq: This one! This one! Her!
Sham: But you Said she was your wife, no?
Maq: She was! Exactly!
Sham: She was your wife? Did you divorce her too? Already? Ah, sister, I apologize…
Maq: No! No! Shaykh, she is my wife, even now. He…her ex-husband, he divorced her. But now he is asking her back! His wife! My Wife! Let me begin again! She is my wife. Her ex-husband wanting her back.
Sham: But he divorced her. You said that. She is not his wife. He cannot have her back. Well, he could. But only if you divorced her and he approached her and she consented with the presence of a proper wali…but that is another discussion. A lot of fiqh involved.
Sai: He will not have me back. I do not want him back! I even changed my name since he knew me! I am new person! New discovery of self! Of nafs. Closer to Allah. That man he was no God-worshipper.
Sham: So, tell me brother. How can he want sister back? The marriage between you and sister is recognized in the eyes of Allah. Unless you married in hiding.
Sai: No, Imam Saab, you do not know this man! That man, he only wants to continue hurting me that man. Wants me to believe that I am sinning to this day that man. I was sinning with him that man. Now I am pure. I have other faults I admit I sin. But with him the whole marriage was sinful. On top he sprinkled riba. We know the punishment—"
Sham: One moment sister! Now, brother, you explain to me your issue. I will let you speak. Do not stop till you are finished.
Maq: Ok, well, you see, according to the Kafir paperwork of America that we Muslims do not recognize because it man's law, her ex-husband and she are still married. Married on paper to this zionist government. But the issue is of the law of Allah, no? And because it is so, should we not recognize the Shariah? yes, you see, we should. So you see, her ex-husband, his name was Mahmud, he had pronounced "I divorce thee!" three times to her.
Sai: Three times at different times! And he Said it three times consecutively all in one sitting in 1986. But I with much love for children ignored him, considered him tempera-angry…
Maq: Right, he Said divorce to her three times in one sitting in 1986 for the first time. But she ignored it you see. So, but, you see, she continued to live with him until 1998. That is twelve years. She only did leave him in 1998 when he Said divorce to her three times in July of 1998.
Sai: I am a fornicateress, an adulteress! Oh, Allah Save me!
Maq: What should be done for her sin? She lived with a man not her husband for twelve years in sin! Stoning is recommended? Is her husband, no, I mean, her ex-husband, worthy of being stoned too? I would like him stoned.
Sham: Oh, so. So…So…So you wonder if her marriage ended in 1986 or if it ended in 1998, I see. And if ended in 1986, what punishment applies?
Maq: Yes.
Sham: The problems that secularism introduces...hmm. Wouldn't be like this if we lived in an Islamic state. Every religion would be allowed to operate freely, according to their normality. Family Law would be based on each person's religion. There would be nothing to take into consideration from no haram centralized civil code like we do with here. Well, no problem, this is only a question of fiqh as are all questions such as this, fiqh is everywhere. The rule of jurisprudence applies, the usul. It states that Islamic divorce can be completed in one sitting is a method of one of the schools of Islamic Law. Now, you Said your ex-husband was Pakistani? Well, they practice a different madhab in that part of the world you see. So, I conclude it that he could not have meant to divorce you in one sitting because that is not what is suggested by the madhab in that part of the world. I call this Islamic geography. I was geography bee champion in elementary school.
Sai: Mashallah! Mashallah! Imam how did you know this?
Sham: Simple geography, you know? So anyhow sister you have not lived in sin since your ex-husband could not have been from that madhab which allows a divorce in one sitting. All those years you were his proper Islamic wife! No sin for you. It is the divorce in 1998 that applies to you. Not the one from 1986.
Sai: Ah, subhanallah! Shaykh! Imam! Thank you!
Maq: Wait, wait, ya Shaykh! I see the reasoning, the fiqh, it is truly everywhere. But of course, you see, but you see, the problem I see, is that in 1998 also he Said divorce to her three times in one sitting! The same way he did in 1986. So you see, if the divorce in 1986 was not valid then it is me who is married to a married woman! Because the 1998 divorce is also not valid since you say his madhab doesn't allow it. Oh Allah! Now it is me who is the sinner because I am fornicating with another man's wife. She is still Mahmud's wife! – Umm…Well, do you suppose I have still a shot at paradise? The hereafter…
Sham: Wait one second. W-W-Well. Uh, sister, tell me, did your ex-husband, did he divorce you at any other times also? Other times beside 1998 and 1986?
Maq: Come now sister, answer the man! Stop the crying.
Sai: I love Maqdoom. I do not want him stoned.
Maq: Answer the Imam!
Sai: What do you think? What do you think? I Said he was abusive that man. Of course he divorced me at other time. You must embarrass me you man. He divorced me often that man. He divorced me more than Hasan RadhiallaUnho divorced his wives and he had seventy one wives!
Sham: Ah, alhamdulillah for the divorces! Well then. Did he say divorce to you three times in one sitting more than three separate occasions?
Maq: What you see is the importance of three now?
Sham: This is no time for a lesson in the usul of the fiqh! The foundations themselves requires eight years of memorization. Are you not familiar that to become Alim requires at least twelve years of legal scholarship? Let me just inform you that three is holy, like the color green here on this carpet. So therefore if her husband divorced her on more than three times then she is in fact divorced!
Maq: Ok, so Shaykh, I would like to understand you see what you're saying you are Alim. That is, you see is sister, I mean, my wife, is she considered divorced after the third triple-pronouncement or is she divorced after the last triple-pronouncement?
Interp: Ah, of course! If Islamically her divorce began after the third triple pronouncement instead of the last triple pronouncement then that means there was a period of time – between the third and the last – in which she lived in sin. It’s a problem, Imam.
Sai: Oh! Oye! Siapa! He divorced me triply for the third time in 1987! That means from 1987 to 1998 when I left him many years of sin! Sin for me! Eleven years of sin!
Sham: Well, I have no choice. I must take the matters into my hand. This is the ijtihad I must do. I declare that in your case it is the final triple-pronouncement that establishes your divorce, not the third triple one.
Maq: But Imam Saab! What about the fiqh you said! The madhab about which you spoke! Was three not the holy number? Should divorce not have occurred after third triple pronouncement?
Sham: Three is not holy in divorce. I recall this now.
Interp: Then what the significance of saying divorce three times?
Sham: That is al-Islam!
Maq: Then three is holy if it is al-Islam! Islam is holy!
Sham: Yes, al-Islam is holy. Perfect.
Maq: Then three is holy, perfect.
Sham: Not in this matter no.
Sai: Our matter is not holy, ya Shaykh? That must be because we are true sinners! We are unholy.
Sham: You are not true sinners! Your matter is holy! But the three in your matter is not holy! Astaghfirullah. Neither of you is a fornicator or adulterer! So, let resolve this issue. That man Mahmud, the ex-husband, who asked back for the wife, cannot have her back because he divorced her. The divorce that counts is the one from 1998. The final one.
Sai: So I have not lived in sinfulness?
Sham: No you have not.
Maq: And I have not married another man's wife?
Sham: No, you have not.
Maq: So which method of divorce do you recommend we practice?
Sai: Hai! What are you saying?
Sham: You must agree now upon one method of divorce. Upon which madhab you should use.
Sai: But I do not want the divorce! I must make this marriage work. It bad enough I married outside of culture!
Sham: This is for the two of you to resolve. I do not know your affiliations in your madhahib. There is on one hand the option of having man say divorce three times in one sitting and having that mean a real divorce. Or you can agree that the divorce must be Said by the man three times over a period of three months with deliberation during each of the three months.
Maq: It seems this three is very holy, still you see.
Sham: It is only fiqh you do not understand. Only you must agree now the two of you. Three is not holy. Where do you see the Christian trinity? Where? Nowhere! Were you Catholic before?
Maq: I apologize Imam.
Sham: It is forgivable. My mercy is greater than my anger.
Maq: Which method of the divorce you recommend ya Shaykh?
Sham: In the madhab I believe, the man, and only he, must say divorce three times in one sitting. If he says so, divorce is final. That is my madhab only. The rest of the madhab are garbage. Bida'.
Sai: Imam you think only the divorce said three times in one sitting is the proper one?
Sham: But yes.
Interp: But you told her before that she could ignore that ya Shaykh. You told her that when her ex-husband said divorce to her three times in one sitting in 1986 it could be ignored. Now you say that doing divorce otherwise is bida! Which is it?
Sai: Ah! I am a heretic!
Maq: I shall follow your madhab ya Shaykh! You are the alim!
Sai: Imam Saab, can I also divorce? Or may only he divorce me?
Sham: This is a problem sister. You divorcing him big problem. Allow me to explain divorce. Divorce you see is frowned upon by Allah. It is not a game. That is why it is limited to the men to make. It is not the game. Not play. If there is a problem you feel you must try to bring in your wali, or the arbitrator, and resolve the matter. You understand? Divorce is a source of displeasure for our Creator. We must take divorce seriously. Not be confused about it. Confusion is haram.
Sai: I am afraid. I am afraid of it being a game ya Shaykh. But then why must we follow the way of your madhab – the way in which man can divorce in just one sitting? What if he commits accident? What if he does it jokingly? What if Maqdoom is not thinking and keeps saying these divorces like in joke?
Sham: It is a simple answer sister. If he does it jokingly you must ignore it. If he does it again second time, you must ignore it again. If he does it for third time the divorce is final you see. Khalas.
Maq: I knew that this number three was the holy! This madhab is preferred to me.
Sai: It matters little really. All this. I am sinner anyway. Heretic mostly. No adultery, just many bida'. Ya Shaykh, the punishment for people like me? What is it? Is it on this world or the hereafter? It is not the stoning, is it?
The End.
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