Male Idiocy: Myth of Fact?

...Mufti Maybe

The female of the species thinks that the male of the species is an idiot. There are all sorts of women, all of whom believe that men are, well, as they have always been - "retarded." Various opinions I have received via email and guest editorials have only affirmed the existence of this widespread notion. I would like to evaluate that claim. Any analysis of the male, however, demands a preliminary analysis of the woman. What this initial analysis reveals is that women of all sort strongly believe in the idiocy of the man. I have noticed, firstly, that there are various reasons behind a woman's belief that the male of the species is an idiot.

1) The Resenter - This woman hates man because she has had her heart broken by one, or has been played by one. She mistrusts the male of the species. She has long conditioned her mind and body to despise him. To her the belief in the idiocy of the man is a deliberately held religion - if she didn't believe it, she'd find herself, once again, in the manipulative hands of a player. Thus, she tells all her friends that men are idiots. It is her only defense.

2) The Careerist - This woman doesn't hate men. She just loves herself too much. Until 26 there is nothing in the world but her. However, to believe so firmly in oneself requires despising everything around you. Hating men is a convenient way to hate everyone without facing the consequences. However, when she reaches 26 she realizes that although an M.D. is nice, having a husband would be better. Unfortunately its too late now. She has ridiculed and thrown away all the chances she was going to get. No men want her anymore (cuz they are all married by now). Thus she tells all her friends that men are idiots.

3) The Supremacist - What? Did you think that only whites and men could be bigots? Please! Women practice a form of self-deification as well. I admit, the number of female supremacists is much lower than that of men. These women are convinced that women should run the world; that men have brought the world to the toilet; and that the only good men serve is, well, nothing. It's hard to say for sure if all these women were born to be supremacists, or if they are the resenters taken to the max. Regardless, they too tell all their friends that men are idiots.

So, brothers, we see that every woman hears about our idiocy. But is our idiocy real? Or is it just another myth fashioned by the herd to make itself feel good about its own misery, a myth, let's say, like that of the Mahdi? I am not going to shrug off this analysis by saying, "Oh, well, the only reason anyone thinks that men are idiots is because bitter women have perpetuated this legend." I am a man. I know male idiocy well. To deny it would be to not admit to being a man.

But there are two kinds of idiocies. The one we're born with and can never lose, let me call it Essentialist; and the one that we acquire through bad influences, let me call that Constructed.

Essentialist Idiocy - Examples of this are legion. They are our "animal" characteristics. Spitting. Burping. Eating like animals. Sexual appetite. [Notice my consistent use of vocabulary relating with food]. Lifting weights too heavy for us to impress everyone. Grunting. Compulsion to wrestle. Enjoying sports (and other remnants of good-natured play-fighting). There are women who have a problem with many of these kinds of behavior. In the words of a valley girl: That is SO wrong! Regarding essentialist idiocy, I have to say that we can't do anything about it. So why do women hate it? This is the sort of idiocy on which women will have to learn to compromise as we have to compromise with a woman's essentialist "idiocies" (to name a woman's idiocies in an explicit manner would take me out of the fold of Islam and so I refrain). Upon essentialist idiocies is where the male and female of the species should learn to compromise. Marriage, I think, is that compromise.

So, for the sake of this article, let's not call Essentialism by a name. Let's accept it and move on to what I acknowledge truly does afflict men today.

Constructed Idiocy - I'm sad to say but examples of this are infinite. Take the brother I met recently who bought an anklet for his mother for mother's day. That's an idiot. Or, the brother who, in trying to break up with a beautiful girl he was courting for a long time, instead of telling her that he was not ready for marriage, told her that he was joining a Sufi tariqa and could not marry her because his master told him not to. That's an idiot. Or, the brother who will watch one particular sister day after day, lock eyes with her day after day, talk about her to the rest of his friends day after day, but will never get the balls to approach her until she, tired of waiting around, will move away (and curse him for the next few months for getting her hopes up). That's an idiot. How about the guy who will flirt with girls when talking to them via email or instant messenger but will turn into a "hard-ass" or worse, a "Salafi" upon seeing them. That's an idiot. How about the guy who is secretly engaged but hits on every available sister out there. That's an idiot. Or the brother who thinks that saying words like "mami" and "sweetie" make him cooler than everyone around him, even if he keeps dropping these words to aunties. That's an idiot. Or the brothers who just stand around together and laugh every time a sister passes by, not realizing that the poor sister probably thinks that they are laughing at her. They are idiots. Now that I have given examples I have to take on the monumental task of figuring out why all this stuff happens. Here are some reasons:

1) Advertising - We live in a materialist culture. It wants to make us men buy stuff. The only way it can sell to us if it tells us that what we men need to buy is that which the advertisers think we should buy. In other words, advertising makes men stupid. I hear commercials all the time which go something like this: "Men, look at Billy Bob, he's such a fool, he actually thought that his wife would like the three hundred dollar piece of jewelry he bought for her. In others words: YOU MEN DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. Next time ask us for help." This sort of advertisement is telling men - you're dumb, don't think for yourself, just sit back and the rest will be taken care of for you. Since men, by far, watch more T.V. and listen to more radio, and surf more web than sisters, advertising impacts us more. That is to say, that even though women shop more, men are more impacted by hearing all the advertisers. We're the one who've internalized all the beer commercials (even though we don't drink).

[Who can blame us, those beer commercials are some of the most creative things out there. If someone wants to make a lot of money, they should go out there and sue Budweiser for damages caused by alcohol and argue that it was their targetted advertising that is at issue. (This technique won billions for plaintiffs in ciggarette cases)].

Anyway, my point is that American advertising knows, and has, targetted us men to make us stupid. And MAN, we've heard them loud and clear.

2) Religion - No, I don't mean to suggest that Islam makes us stupid. The problem, rather, is that aside from the Prophet no one ever talks about good Muslim male role models. Since most of guys know that we could never be like the Prophet anyway, we don't really try to be. And definitely not when it comes to interacting with women. Most guys think, "Oh, the Prophet is nothing like us since had nine wives." So most guys end up shrugging off any lessons in being a man they might have learned from the Prophet. Thus, despite our best intentions, we end up somewhere in the middle, not sure how to act. Have we, for example, any concept of chivalry? Has any Muslim man ever stepped forward and offered himself as the example of male style and etiquette? No! The best we get are wannabe pimps who think that the real man is the one who can get the most email addresses at APPNA. The problem is not with the religion, but the lack of male Muslim role models. The need is for our teachers to teach young boys confidence and security. So when they grow up they don't hide like shy little school girls behind walls of fake thuggery or wack Al-Qaeda like over-religious psychosis - both of which are means by which men hide their true colors.

3) Women - By telling men that they are idiots, that is, labelling them, you help perpetuate the problem. The problem is that most people, men and women, accept the definitions that society gives to them. Think about it: have you ever really thought about why you're Muslim? Most of us just accept it because it’s the definition of identity we're born with. Similarly, if someone tells men long enough that they're idiots, they will conform to that particular way of acting so that they can be like how they think other men must already be. No one wants to be different, even if it means that one must act like an idiot to join the brigade. [Let me say that men create similar stereotypes for women but that's obviously not the subject of this article].

Conclusion: Our essentialism and our constructed idiocies, combine to make very intense, energetic and intriguing members of the male side of the species. They also combine to make complete morons. In the end, I believe the solution rests in our hands. Yes, male idiocy exists, but that's an effect of some other more pressing problems at our collective hands. I realize that this article ended on a very pragmatic tone. But the issue was one which I feel strongly about and did not feel like berating.

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