Part I: The Hierarchy Of Men
Editor's Note: Due to the breadth of the topic, this series has been split into two parts. Part II: Sisterhood Collective will be posted soon. In the meantime, the in-depth study of the MSA Male should provide sufficient entertainment and prompt much thought.
Let me preface this discussion by saying that my observations are not attacks on the function of a college's Muslim Students Association. From Rallies to Taraweehs, Social Events to Jummah, the MSA is the fundamental vehicle for a young Muslim's development in the late stages of adolescence. The utility of an MSA, however, does not mean that it is free of inane behavior. In fact, I believe we should celebrate its histrionics!
Essentially, people are nothing. They are considered nothing until they have dressed themselves up in the general opinions and the "usual" ways of acting. It is when people put on the costumes of personality and the masks of masquerading when they become something, anything. In other words, people dress up their souls as fashion designers dress up their models. Usually, as we know, the result is deformed, hideous, if not outright ludicrous. It is the interaction of these barely coherent visions of life which forms an MSA. Thus, the hilarious results.
Politics is a study of power. Power is evaluated in the way it expresses itself. This occurs through cliques, social groupings, and war. That is my method of evaluating as well. I evaluate the Politics of the MSA by looking at the structures inside it. Consider the hierarchy of MSA women a pyramid. Men, being more competitive in nature, have a smaller base. The shape of the MSA Male hierarchy looks more like a ladder with rungs than as a pyramid. We shall begin at the bottom and go to the top.
Step 1: Hot Headed Hobbits (HHH):
Anywhere there are freshman boys. They come in various shapes and sizes. They dress, act, and live differently. Out of all of these freshmen, it is HHH that, in my mind, make the biggest splash. It is for this purpose that they've made this list. These are the idealistic savages of the community. They come from their womb-like high-schools and Islamic-communities, ready to re-shape and alter the institution of the MSA into a mold of their liking. HHH are concerned with the "future of the MSA" and stand up on the first meeting to make their intention for working to this end very well known. They are also puritanical. They are very interested in "eliminating these un-Islamic practices that have crept into the MSA." Of course, being idealistic, they forget that to know what practices to take out of the MSA requires knowing what practices constitute the MSA. This they don't know. But they assume. And yes, make an ass out of u and me. Themselves, they embarrass by the hoarseness of their voice. Others they embarrass by making unsubstantiated allegations. It is the heat of their argument, and not their argument itself, which gives them power.
Do not be fooled. Only a substantially small number of these HHH actually know anything. And even if they do, finding that rare outspoken hot-head who's not speaking out because he wants attention is rare! It is so rare, in fact, that it doesn't exist. There you have it, HHH is a phenomenon which takes place because the freshman can't figure out any other ways to get attention in the MSA. Haven't you noticed? The "gentle reforms" of an HHH themselves are radical changes. Only radical changes would assure that people would pay attention to the HHH.
Now, this Not A Mufti is certain that he will be poo-pood for reducing the rantings of these hot-headed brothers to the attention-seeking impulse. Well, fine. Its just that I have a hard time accepting that during a three month summer break before college a little baby boy could have learned so much political theory that he could lecture to the rest of us on why, somehow, a co-ed social will prevent the establishment of a truly Islamic Nation-State. So, since it is safe to assume the immaturity of these hobbits, it is safe to assume that their motivation is equally immature. Regardless, they are a force and I have identified them.
Step 2: Fellowship of the King (FOK):
He gets away with all of this because he has placed himself in proximity to the MSA "King." From this protected perch, the FOKer FOKs around doing whatever he FOKing wishes! Generally, the FOK-Crew, due to its deceitful success only grows larger and larger. This means that it has tremendous voting power. The MSA "King" has no choice but to tolerate their behavior. In the end, sisters have to suffer. My Good Brothers, there's good news. Because the FOKer spends so much time and energy in his machinations and politicking he usually gets really bad grades and has to rely on you for classnotes. Which means you can screw him over, also.
Step 3: The Order of Assassins (Ass.):
The dark side of the force. The English word for Assassins comes from an Islamic Sect in the 10th century known as the Hashisheen. They would shoot up on Hashish and carry out executions for their masters. Prior to an assassination, they were given a "glimpse" of Paradise. Their master placed them inside a harem of women and let them taste all the Earthly Houris they could desire. Intoxicated on drugs and sex these guys were so "inspired" that they had no problem going out and messing some people up. These guys were so successful that a whole century after their last attack, people said that they had been visited by them.
The MSA has these guys and calls them "players." They are the makers of mayhem, the creators of corruption, the doers of destruction. Their menace is two-fold. They kill the MSA in two ways. First, by capturing young, available, and easily had freshman sisters, these players kill the chances any "good" MSA brothers may have had with those sisters. Second, players indoctrinate these young impressionable girls into a life of sin. Shortly thereafter any good reputation these girls may have had is killed. For an Assassin, however, such destructive success gives him a high. He becomes intoxicated on his power. Thus, even though these guys are denizens of the shadows and rarely run into the well-lit area of the prayer-rooms, they are powerful because they are the lords of darkness.
Eventually, even if an MSA is fortunate enough to have an inept class of players, the very mystique, the very reputation of being "one of them" is sufficient to give these guys a lot of sway with the impressionable girls. I do believe it is the fault of these young sisters for thinking that freedom and emancipation from the chains of orthodoxy is more important than the danger of darkness. But the presence of the Order of Assassins makes certain that all the girls for whom college is a way of getting freedom will be hunted and captured. Many a sister has come to serve in the harem of the Ass.
Finally, like any covert group, the Order is not above using disinformation as their weapon. For the Persian Hashisheen, well placed lies were an important part of the repertoire. Assassins to this day use the lie to blackmail and intimidate. In 1983, the British spread a disinformation campaign which convinced all of the Argentines that if they went to sleep they would be executed. When an Assassin cannot infiltrate into a circle of sisters, he uses disinformation. If a sister tries to resist, the Assassin may suggest to some of the brothers from her community that "me and her often visit each other after the Friday night Halaqa." These Assassins are so insidious that I have even witnessed cases of intra-collegiate and intra-state intimidation and blackmail. These guys are out for one thing – Ass – and all methods are acceptable in this pursuit. The only defense sisters have against these guys are the HHH, who by virtue of their fiery tempers, are more than willing to hunt and destroy these rapists of reputation. In my mind all brothers should take a vested interest in uprooting and destroying this Order because it is quite possible that the wife you end up with may have been targetted or even disrespected by the Ass. Order. Regardless, given the naivete of my young sisters, and the lack of support of older sisters, I do not foresee an end to the Order's success.
Step Four: Desperado:
Antonio Banderas, in the classic film, was so obsessed with his intended act that nothing could stop him. In the context of the MSA, the desperado is the upperclassman who is just unwilling to let go on getting a girl. He's the guy who's struck out so much that he's become obsessive-compulsive regarding getting a girl. But, because he does not have the darkness of soul to join the Order, and because he wants a long-term relationship, he has a hard time. He strikes out for many reasons. He is ugly or incompetent or because he always shoots out of his league.
In some cases, the desperado is a fallen Assassin. A Fallen Assassin is nothing more than an Assassin who fell for one girl and got played – which led to his exile because an Assassin doesn't get played. Sisters, stay away from the desperado. He will appear legitimate, may even use the right lingo and appearance, but his obsession will weigh you down until you suffocate. Broken engagements often occur with desperadoes. Desperadoes are often motivated by revenge. These guys want vengeance against fate for making them ugly or just plain inept. This means that he's stricken by ressentiment – Editor's Note: Ressentiment is a favorite French word of mine I took from Nietzsche. It corresponds to a most twisted and sickly form of resentment which often results in harm against just about everyone.
Step Five: The all-embracing sissy:
Before I discuss the nobility I have to address the most mysterious of all MSA men. This is the guy about which all the other guys wonder. He's that guy who's opposite of manly, if you know what I mean, who knows every single girl. How can this be? Since when do girls like sissies? Well, brothers, they don't. His association with them is strictly his own doing. They really don't know how to rebuff him because even they don't know what the heck is going on with the clown. I have an explanation rooted in Lacanian Psychoanlayses.
Lacan was a revolutionary mind who entirely altered Freud's theories. He suggested that the ego, or the self, was severely affected from the very moment a child came out of the womb and was influenced by all the various types of sexuality around him. Thus a male baby first notices his intimate relationship with his mother. Then, suddenly he sees his "competitor", the biological father hanging all about. The male baby, in "love" with the mother, wishes to protect the mother from the older male. Unable to do so because of physical weakness, the male baby continues to worship the mother and keeps his distance from the father until he is capable of challenging him. The sissy-guy is like this baby. Upon his "birth" from high-school to college, he affixes himself to the first thing that reminds him of his mother….the MSA girls. He doesn't hang out with the rest of us brothers because he is threatened by us and is weaker than us. Meanwhile, he worships the sisters and builds up all his hate towards us until he's ready to kill us. It is the danger of his pent-up wrath which scares the living Lacan out of me. That is why I have placed him so high on the ladder. Right underneath the nobility.
Step Six: The Prince and the King:
In eras of power an MSA is blessed with both an heir, a prince, and a managerial and kind king. Usually neither of these scenarios takes place. Usually there is no prince and the King is corrupt – more like the Jordanian King than Salahuddin. A bad king has in some sense an overlapping of all of the negative qualities of the aforementioned power-groups. The worst kings are closer on the scale towards the Desperados and Assassins than they are towards that ideal king all of us envision.
Allow me to paint the picture of an ideal king. Kindness is his hallmark. He practices compassion and self-sacrifice. First and foremost, he is marked by moderation. In my mind even excessive piety is a drawback because Kings that worship too much spend too much time with Allah and not enough with the People. Leaders have to strike that balance between the obligations to the MSA and the obligation to the Master. Second, the Salahuddin does not stand up for anything but the truth. He is just as quick to reprimand a member of his MSA as he is to get his back, depending on the situation. Third, a good king does not play God. Fourth, a good king is smart as hell, a true intellectual. He is able to write an email refuting that Hindu Kid who thinks the riots in Gujrat were caused by Muslims while using words like avaricious, he knows that the Balfour Declaration was, he knows the name of the four assassinated American Presidents, he knows the right dua, in Arabic, to read after prayer, he can lead the prayer, and he can write a poem to make all the participants in a Chechnya vigil cry.
All of this seems hard to do? Well, it is. But that is why the role of the Prince is so important. A future king learns all of this while he is a Prince. That is why I suggest that instead of living life as HHH, FOKers and Assassins, some of us MSA men aspire to train themselves as Princes. Not only will it make their prospects with the sisters much easier, it will create a dynasty of MSA success that may rival, in small measure, the success of the true Salahuddin.
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...Mufti Maybe