"Fire From Higher"

Q: Mufti...I have a problem. I can't urinate while sitting down. My family and friends tell me that I will go to hell if I "fire from higher" or if I 'pee from upstairs' as my Imam back home says. He says that standing while peeing is the equivalent to the devil massaging my genitals. What do I do? I have had bladder problems for two years now because I can't let go while sitting down...I've tried everything: running the water facet while sitting, listening to TLC's waterfalls, cutting my pubic hair and even jumping up and down, up and down while sitting to stimulate release but nothing works. Pls. if you have some type of remedy, let me know about it.

I am feeling the bad for signing up for doing the education of the Ummah, because now I am thinking I am getting the weird questions and the stranger peoples, and not like the Madame Sufi (who is receiving the real problems). But anyway, I am thinking brother, perhaps if you are not married, you want to keep the urination standing up, because this genital massage sounds like unavoidable but also the solution to your problems.

You see I am stretching the answer much because your question is coming out of sky and dropping into my mailbox, and I am thinking: How are you thinking this has anything to do with website? Because this is not the website type of the question. We are helping the Muslims produce the more of the Muslims in the Muslim way (this is what you call internal logic. I am currently reading the Kant. Very smart, but also very not adventurous, unlike me. I am taking road trip to Kerbala this week to see the Shi'a brothers and try to do the understanding of them).

But really, my brother, what is the point of this question? Islam is the easy religion. You may remember how fat drunk Russian president withdrew army so easily, because he could not fight. Similar to the Russians, you cannot do the urination sitting down, like Muslims are supposed to. But if you can't, what can you do? You can only stand up. But then you have to be even more the cleaner. How are you going to use the lota even? So be careful. You can do the standing up of the urination, but only if you are being very clean, and not leaving toilet seat up, like barbarian farangi Crusader pig.

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