"Me Sunni, She Shia"

Q: Dear Imam Mecca-Cola. Assalamu 'Alaykum. I must confess, I have often been confused about my identity -- so much so that it doesn't really matter to me. My mother is from Russia and my father from Pakistan, but I was born and grew up in Prague, where I learned not only Czech, but English and Urdu, also. As a young Muslim, nationality has never mattered to me. A young girl has caught my eye, but she's from Iran and also, she's Shi'a. Both of these are problems.

And also, remind them, great champion of Islam Imam Khomeini was in fact the Persian and the Shi'a. I am also the Sunni, like you, but these Shi'a are so strong and brave. While the Sunnis were sitting on their butts and not doing even the mathematics, the Shi'a were doing so much for the Islam. They may understanding things different, but they are also Muslim mother converted to Islam, and like my father, she is a staunch Sunni. I am a Muslim but I confess I really don't practice much. However, I know marriage is half the deen, and as I am currently studying applied engineering in Prague, I am ready for this step. Maybe marriage will help me find Allah. However, my parents will reject this girl because she is Shi'a, and also because she is Persian. I don't think my father likes them at all, and my mother will go along with his opinion.

Please help me. I only want to marry her.

Wa 'alaykum salam, my brother in Islam. You have made so many of the confessions, I am thinking maybe you will become Christian, astaghfirullah. But you are in Prague and they are Soviet Union over there, yes? Alhamdulillah, my brother, I am modern Imam, because I am reading the news and knowing much..

Firstly, I am happy that you are studying the mathematics. We Muslims need more math and science, so we can build the good weapons and machines and things and be like the kuffar without actually being the kuffar. More importantly, you should be doing more for the your deen I think. If you do the calculations, this half of deen is marriage but it is only 50 percent, which is still "F" mark. Maybe you can marry four of the women, then you can have the 200 percent! Inshallah you will get into Jannah not once but twice (I am still doing the research on the Einstein and how can this happen, but it is possible I am thinking. Einstein was Jewish but also smart).

But you should tell your parents that Islam has no room for this racist mumbo-jumbo. Really, we are the Muslims, and what matters is not the skin color, or the language, or the ethnic group, or the tribe. This is why Muhammad, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, was sent to humanity, to overcome the differences and make us one people. Because we are, they believe in the God and the Prophets, they read the Qur'an and do the excellent namaz, and they also act like we do. Really, brother, these are only differences that are stupid.

In the blind taste test, the Pepsi and the Coke are so easy to confuse. So when the lights are shut off -- we have many power outages here in Pakistan, you know -- does it make big difference? These are only packages, like blue for the Pepsi and red for the Coke, like Shi'a for this one and Sunni for that one. What matters is the fizz! We call that heart. So tell your parents the Imam is telling you this and inshallah the God will turn their hearts, you will get married, and then work for the Shi'as and Sunnis and together we will be conquering the dunya. But if they are still having too many problems, don't hesitate to threaten the takfeer, especially for this Soviet Union nonsense. Inshallah, brother, this makes things easy, and Islam is easy religion. Like Russian army. Remind your mother, we kicked her butt in Afghanistan, and we can kick it again anytime and any of the places.

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